Original Source: PG Kills WWE
I had no clue about the airing of this show until I randomly started seeing spoilers on Facebook. I should probably hire a guy that would remind me of these shows, because I’m getting increasingly bad with remembering dates. This is also one of the reasons why I have to sleep on the couch for the next three days or so, as I completely forgot my wife’s birthday last week. I guess it wasn’t as special as a WWE show from MSG! So let’s get to this!
1. Randy Orton and Dolph Ziggler vs Rusev and Sheamus.
> Oh, JOY! The pink middle rope has made it’s grand return to the WWE. This October Pink Boob Thingie is going to last one whole month, and I’m honestly scared they’d have Brock Lesnar wear pink shorts inside Hell In A Cell. One would assume Brock Lesnar would Suplex the shit out of Susan G. Komen herself, since the only boobs Lesnar would care about is Sable’s. But we’re PG, so that kinda shit ain’t gonna happen. Anyway, this match had devolved from two highly ridiculous feuds that no one cares about. Sheamus and Orton have been feuding over WHAT exactly? And I don’t even have the will to shit over the Summer Rae storyline. It’s bad, and they should be ashamed of themselves. Luckily, this match wasn’t terribly bad, as assumed. In fact, it was a HOT opener that saw the babyfaces going over, and the finish was also pretty good. ★★★
2. StarDust vs Neville.
> This would be their first actual televised match without having any Shitty Dragons or Shitscension ringside. These two wrestlers are HIGHLY TALENTED, and it was about damn time they got a chance, one on one. And needless to say, they did not disappoint. StarDust was booked strong throughout, and dominated most of this match. He’s a true heel, so he went for Neville’s cape! YOU DON’T TOUCH ANOTHER MAN’S CAPE! That’s like the most ethically sacred thing in the world of wacky superheroes. But Neville is the true babyface, so he doesn’t let StarDust put his cape to shame! StarDust, however, wears Neville’s cape and actually goes for a Red Arrow. That would’ve been one helluva finish. But Neville turns things around, and hits a spectacular Red Arrow on StarDust to finish. THAT’LL TEACH HIM! A heel dominating the babyface throughout, loses focus to be a dick, babyface capitalizes and wins! How can you not love this? ★★★¾
3. Team PCB vs The Bella Triplets.
> Charlotte and Becky are either completely dumb, or they have the least amount of self-respect among all divas. Paige turned on them TWICE, and yet they tag along with her? Actually, the creative team has systematically botched this whole Divas Revolutionary Mission thingie, and nothing makes sense at all. When these divas asked for the#GiveDivasAChance, I actually expected quality wrestling, and not a bunch of women being bitchy and/or trading headlocks for over 3 hours. At least it seemed that long. Alicia Fox couldn’t get any more pointless than she already is, and Brie Bella is all about BRIE MODE, which I have, to this day, no clue what that even means. And after wasting spectacular amount of my time, they go for the SHORT ARM finish. Really? Charlotte and Becky are supposed to be the victims of Paige’s bitchiness, but then they go ahead and do the exact same thing to her? WHERE’S MY WOMEN’S WRESTLING? Right, on Wednesday, in a 30-Minute Iron Woman Match. NXT is like HEAVEN, at this point. Terrible match, terrible storylines. Terrible way to book highly talented female wrestlers. I’m glad Sasha wasn’t part of this garbage and I hope Bayley stays in NXT forever. ★
3. Intercontinental Title: Kevin Owens vs Chris Jericho.
> Jericho gets a nice little promo before the match, but the MSG crowd decides to stay quiet for it. Both Lance Storm and Don Callis are at ringside, so you’d hope Heel Owens beats up both of them. This was indeed a big deal for Jericho. 25 fucking years, goddammit! This match is just completely random. With no real purpose or story as to why they’re even having this match, or what did Jericho even do to earn this title shot. And didn’t Jericho turn heel at Night of Champions, but he’s a babyface for this show? The only thing that makes sense is that both these wrestlers are CANADIAN, so they’re fighting over who’s the better Canadian, I guess. That’s like two fat men with small penises fighting to decide who has the bigger penis. IT’S STILL A SMALL PENIS, and y’all are still going to be Canadian. This started off as the usual good Jericho match, and picked up in the best way. The crowd was also pretty invested in this. I like the new Eye Rake Owens gimmick. It’s a simple heel move, and sometimes you don’t have to try excruciatingly hard to put someone over as a heel. Jericho does what’s right, and Owens gets a small package to retain. Good stuff. ★★★
4. Tag Titles: The New Day vs The Dudley Boyz.
> New Day kick things off with an AMAZING promo ridiculing every single inch of the Dudleys. They mention that the Dudleys have burned out pretty much everything that they knew, and their 90s pop culture reference WAZZZUPPP is not relevant anymore. That is true, and it gave me a new Kayfabe News idea: “Dudley Boyz realize they’re in 2015, replace their WAZZUPP signature with “WHAT ARE THOSE?” That would be hilarious, though. This feud has been tremendously well booked. This is what happens when you rope-in stars from the Attitude Era that are still good at what they do, and mix them up with the greatest act in pro-wrestling today, The New Day. If you seriously dislike the New Day, I don’t even know why you exist. Xavier has done more with the Trombone than most musicians would. Pretty solid tag team match, and a REALLY good tease of Dudleys winning the titles, but Xavier Woods saves the day! But the Dudleys clear house and put Woods though a table, YET AGAIN! Booking done right. I say this because the day Dudleys finally win the title, it would be fucking amazing. ★★★
5. The Most Important House Show Match In The History Of House Shows: Brock Lesnar vs Big Show.
> They needed to sell tickets at MSG. Pop the Network numbers. Had to make Lesnar look strong after the Undertaker loss at SummerSlam. Why not fix all of that by wasting yet another Lesnar appearance on someone as awful as Big Show? JBL is in hyperbole overdrive here, declaring this “the most titanic struggle in the history of MSG”. Like, COME ON! This was pretty much as expected. A very easy payday for Lesnar with him tossing Big Show around with multiple suplexes, regardless of Big Show specifically mentioning that Lesnar just couldn’t. Meanwhile the horridly robotic announcers are trying to sell this as a clash of epic proportions and are talking about what a force of nature that Brock is, and how visually spectacular it is to see Big Show get manhandled like that, in the same tone of voice that you’d discuss a mildly interesting story on the local news. It takes a lot to make me think “perhaps Michael Cole should have taken lead on this show”, so you know how terrible Rich Brennan actually was. He’s honestly better off losing his shit screaming COUP DE GRACE over at NXT in a Finn Balor match. Morbidly bad match between Lesnar and Big Show with a hurried finish. That’s like two weeks of sacrificing Cesaro and Mark Henry to Big Show, all for nothing. Brock was nice enough to destroy Big Show even more after the match. The ring announcer was all like: “Give it up for Big Show!”, and the crowd boos him out of the building. That was great. Just retire already. ★
6. US Title Steel Cage: John Cena vs Seth Rollins.
> Just how messed up is it that the World Champion is challenging for the Secondary Title once again, after being floundered in the worst imaginable way? JBL notes that lots of people dislike Cena, much like people dislike the Yankees because of success, so if you don’t like either of them, then beat them. That doesn’t even make sense. JBL is getting increasingly obnoxious and I find it hard to tolerate him anymore. And just like that, Heel JBL goes into Dick-Riding Mode, and praises the shit out of John Cena. Like seriously? This is something that JBL has been doing consistently. Bobby Heenan and Jerry Lawler were absolute shithead heels when it came to commentary, acknowledging nothing that the babyface might do, and then there’s Heel JBL, worshipping Babyface Cena almost as if Cena personally pays him to do so. They begin with the usual steel cage stuff, and Rollins sends Cena head first into the steel cage, and Cena just decides to lie down in the name of selling that. Rollins tries that again, but Cena reverses and sends Rollins head first into the steel cage, and Rollins sells that almost as if a BULLET went through his head. THAT’S how you sell, you fucking asshole! Cena makes the comeback while JBL tries to get “Big Match John” over as a thing. FUCK OFF! They try to escape through the door, but Rollins rams the door in Cena’s head. Now where was World Class Historian JBL to point out how that was reminiscent of Kerry Von Erich and Ric Flair? Cena catapults Rollins into the corner, but he jumps up and tries to climb out and they fight up top again. Rollins brings him down with the superplex combo, but Cena makes it sure to kick out of it. Rollins climbs out and now they fight on top of the cage and Cena comes down with an impressive tornado DDT. Rollins bounces to the top and climbs down, but Cena pulls him in through the door, only to have Seth escape the AA and hit a superkick, that Cena makes sure to no-sell. Cena with another STF, but Rollins reverses to a crossface, which Cena turns into the AA, but Rollins escapes and hits the low blow. That low blow hurt Nikki Bella more than it hurt Cena. Rollins climbs again with things looking bleak for Cena, but of course it’s THEDEMONKANE run-in, as Seth is so PERPLEXED by his entrance that he’s unable to climb down in the minute or so that it takes Kane to reach the ring. So instead, Rollins tries hitting a Frog Splash from the top of the cage, misses it, of course, and Cena hits the AA to retain. Come on everybody, say it along with me…. CENA WINS, LOL! What is this? The 300th time Rollins has lost to Cena this week? This was CAGE MATCH. Hit the fucking AA and escape the cage instead of pinning the World Champion right in the middle of the ring! How difficult is it to achieve that? This, and the countless number of times Rollins has jobbed to Cena at every house show, is just pathetic in every way imaginable. And to add salt to injury, Kane chokeslams the remains of Rollins and tombstones him, just to get portrayed as the MONSTER that he really is. Terrible finish to a pretty good cage match. All the allotted stars are for Rollins’ performance alone. It takes much passion to work your ass off while being booked like shit. ★★★★
Verdict: Just another house show that happened to be recorded. Nothing too spectacular. The undercard was surprisingly good, however.
Can we please start building up to Hell In A Cell now?
Source: PG Kills WWE